apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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