How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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