He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
