You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
