Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
