May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The Olympian is in my bed
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
