I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
