i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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