Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
