Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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