3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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