I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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