that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
