we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
