I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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