I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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