My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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