Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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