It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
