Cold hands, warm shart.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
