Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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