watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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