If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
my liver is dry heaving
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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