Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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