So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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