Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
