can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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