woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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