There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
