at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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