Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
