What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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