Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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