i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
