You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
