my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
