whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I wish there were birth control emojis
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
