I just cut my nipple shaving
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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