Your face is a jimmy john
Tell her she can't have a vagina
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
