Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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