My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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