I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
