Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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