I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
