i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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