I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
