Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
