Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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