your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
