addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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