I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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