when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
