So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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