She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize