The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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