it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
