there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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