To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
