Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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