Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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