he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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