This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
