I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
