I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
