Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
