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At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
