I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
