a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
